Since the end of last year I have been slightly unwell. I have refused to give in, as usual. I just went about my business with the lurgy gripping me by the ankles, dragging it around behind me – refusing to let go.

Just as I refused to surrender, so did the lurgy. Every day it tightened its grip a bit more, making it harder to pull behind me. I am not used to getting progressively more ill every day, feeling worse every morning. Mostly I was in denial.

There was a kind of battle going on in my head – every day I would stand, challenged by an anthropomorphic personification of illness, trying to stare it out, not letting it know that it was getting to me.

Lurgy: “Stop! Go to bed, and be ill!”
Me: “I’m fine! Nothing wrong with me, fuckface! Now, take your snot and piss off. I have stuff to do. Now, if you will excuse me?…”
Lurgy: “But…”
Me: “Piss off.”

Yesterday my nerve finally went, this theoretical confrontation every day became more than I could bear – I snapped.

Lurgy: “Stop! Go to bed, and be ill!”
Me: “Nothing *wheeze* wrong *cough* with urrrghh.. me! *cough*cough*wheeze*”
Lurgy: “Yes there is! You just coughed until you went purple and could hardly breathe!”
Me: “Nonsense!”
Lurgy: “Purple! I saw you! And walking up the stairs at work nearly killed you!”
Me: “Lies! *cough*cough*aaaagghh…*sneezingfit*”
Lurgy: “Your head just exploded with snot and you’ve gone purple again! I win!”
Me: “Okay fine! You win. I am going to the doctor. You shall be killed in the face with antibiotics!”

Next day.

Lurgy: “You have passed the test!”
Me: “…”
Lurgy: “Now that you have admitted defeat, I am going. My work here is done. You submitted and I shall now do the same to other people in your office, because you did not give in and coughed all over them for nearly two whole weeks.”
Me: “I feel much better now…”
Lurgy: “You gave in, the battle is now over. You passed the ’showing humility in the face of a superior biological force test.’ I have won. You are weak and have admitted it, brought to your knees by a microscopic virus.”

The other terrible ongoing struggle has been with Vodafone, and the case of the non-existent iPhone. I am having a little trouble trying to get my new phone… I don’t even know if they have despatched it or tried to deliver it. I don’t even who WHO is delivering it, Vodafone have made a total clusterfuck of the iPhone launch. Currently waiting for a reply to my e-mail or some other sign that the Apple iPhone 3GS 32GB (in black) that I pre-ordered is actually going to arrive.

In the mean-time they have just crippled the fuck out of my current phone, it claims to have credit but won’t make any calls. I wish I had just gone to o2 or Orange, or waited until Vodafone had them for sale in shops.

When not psychically battling the plague and arguing with Vodafone I have mostly been in meetings. There should be warning when people accept promotions/better jobs that things like meetings will keep happening. Yesterday I was in one that lasted two and a half hours – I just wanted to crawl into a corner and die afterwards – especially as that was the day the lurgy monster cranked it up to eleven to fuck me over and bring me to my knees.