I am notoriously brilliant at accidental inappropriate behaviour, including one time showing up to give evidence in the county court wearing a Cradle of Filth t-shirt with ‘WANKER!’ on the reverse, not as some kind of political statement just out of industrial strength lack of forethought.

I did not think it through when dressing this morning.

I went to the zoo. Weather forecast was ‘heavy showers of bastard rain straight out of satan’s rancid skycock’. Or something to those effects. I forget the exact wording in the Meteorological Office reports.

So, how does one dress for a day of walking outside in the rain and mud?

A sensible person would have put on a sturdy pair of jeans, a pair of walking boots, a jumper and taken a substantial jacket (like the German army NATO one I left in my closet). They would have remembered where their umbrella was and not ran off to their office thinking they must have left it there on Friday, only to discover it not their either and only remember it is still in their bag (left in closet in flat) half way to the zoo by car.

I wore Jasper Conran trousers, Saville Row shirt with cufflinks (silver with blue rubies), a thin cotton Jasper Conran jacket and a pair of black leather oxfords with holes in the soles.

It was before 9am on a Sunday morning. Clearly something disconnected in my brain and I went into Monday morning autopilot and dressed for work. Anther possible reason is that the jacket and trousers were new (bought on Friday in the Debenhams Sale).

I think I can’t NOT wear new clothes the first time I go out after buying them. I used to have a nasty habit of turning up for work in a previous job wearing clubbing gear. I’d be dressed like I was off for a night out in Slimelight to do data entry and temperature quality control in the refrigerated warehouse of a ready meal food factory. Usually realising only when cycling to work at 11pm with platform boots on that I had made a mistake.

Apart from soggy socks and muddying my new trousers a bit all was well, though. I managed to acquire an umbrella.

The zoo was great fun, Twycross Zoo has quite a lot of monkeys and apes and a variety of limas. The bonobos and orangutans were probably my favourites. The baby meerkats were also extremely lovely.

The only bad thing was that the website had promised I could touch an alpaca and they wouldn’t come near me. I’d really been looking forward to touchin’ me some alpaca… The only thing better would have been Llamas.

I prefer Marwell and London Zoos but visiting random smaller ones too is also great, even they do lure people in with the false promise of stroking South American camelids.

p.s. I didn’t intentionally stop doing videoblogs. My MacBook Pro, which I damaged in various ways by dropping it some time ago, is not playing nice with recording sound and video at the same time. I tried several times on both Friday and Saturday and it wouldn’t record the sound. I might try again but it seems as if the video blog idea may be dead.